


a wish your heart makes

by desastrista



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:43:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desastrista/pseuds/desastrista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dreams are supposed to be where the mind goes to process what it has seen for the days. Ronan's dreams, however, have the nasty habit of making the unreal real. Which makes the dreams he's been having about Adam lately especially dangerous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a wish your heart makes

Ronan starts reading up on Freud, Jung, anything at all he can find about dreams. Privately, of course. He doesn't want Gansey to see because he'd be insufferable at the idea of Ronan actually applying himself academically. And Adam? 

Adam's the reason he's reading about dreams in the first place. 

***** 

The first time he walks in on the dream, it stops him dead in his tracks. 

There he is. In Cabeswater. Except it's not really him. And not really him just happens to be fucking Adam against the trunk of one of the trees. 

That is definitely not the real Adam. 

The real Adam Parrish wouldn't loll his head back like that as Ronan thrust into him, again and again. The real Adam Parrish wouldn't lock his legs around Ronan's waist and claw hungrily at his back with nails that still had grease underneath them from working at the garage. And certainly the real Adam Parrish would never call out Ronan Lynch's name in that desperate, needy voice. 

It's all just a dream. The real Ronan Lynch just can't make it stop or make himself look away. 

***** 

There were some psychologists, Ronan found, who believed that dreams were the brain's way to make sense of what happened to it during the day. It was a place where the brain could act out its thoughts and impulses in a safe way. 

Ronan Lynch did not like these psychologists, because he knew that _his_ dreams were not a safe place. 

***** 

The first time he walks in on that dream is the first time he really understands that he even has these feelings for Adam. Of course, some part of him had always known. But of course that part had found itself tangled up in and around thoughts of Gansey; his brothers, biological and otherwise; being the Greywaren; Blue; magic; waking Glendower – is it any wonder he'd never consciously realized that part of him was there?

Seeing it once is a strange, painful enlightenment. 

The problem is that the dream doesn't just happen once. 

Details change, of course. Sometimes dream Adam wears his Aglionby uniform, sometimes he doesn't. There are dreams where Adam blows him, and dreams where he blows Adam. He never pays all that much attention to his dream self, though. It's dream Adam he focuses on. The sandy hair, drenched with sweat, that dream Ronan gets to run his fingers through. The particular way that Adam has of looking up through his long lashes when he's getting fucked. 

Ronan finds himself memorizing all of those details. 

It is, apparently, his way of torturing himself. 

***** 

He had not said anything to the real Adam Parrish. 

He wasn't sure that was a conversation he was ready to have. 

“I keep having these dreams where I'm fucking you.” 

“I'm afraid one of those days I'll bring him back when I wake up.” 

****** 

When he was still a child, Ronan had accidentally dreamed himself a brother. His dreams had never been a safe place. But he's not a child anymore, and now he's better at understanding his dream and better at controlling his dreams. 

He understands that he's been letting this dream happen. It is a fantasy – a dangerous fantasy, dangerous for what it means to him, dangerous for what it could bring to life – but it is interfering with what he needs to do as the Greywaren. It ends tonight. 

After all, the dream Adam could never compare to the real life one. 

“Don't tell him,” he tells the trees just before he wakes up. 

If Adam has been seeing odd things in his tarot cards of late, he does not mention it to Ronan.


End file.
